Geno’s Got the iPhone Battery Blues

I hate to use you to vent but this has become the biggest headache ever. Apple got caught slowing down your phone and now they’re trying to make nice by offering you a cheaper battery so your phone isn’t as slow. Today might have been the last straw and I may jump off the iPhone bandwagon and go back to Android.

December 2016: I go kayaking at Fort Desoto. My iPhone takes a swim. The phone in a bag of rice trick didn’t work. I buy a new iPhone.

Fall 2017: My iPhone starts slowing down big time. Apps take longer to load. And the battery starts draining in record time. What a coincidence – this is just when Apple announces a new line of faster phones! What a strange twist of fate this happens at the same time!

December 2017: I finally give up and pay $1,000 for an iPhone X. I felt like I was paying Apple’s ransom since the phone I bought only a year ago was now obsolete. Off I went to International Plaza in Tampa to wait in lines at the Apple store to pay the penalty for having a 1 year old phone. I get my iPhone X and take it home. It’s nice. It’s faster. I can make animated poop emojis. That novelty wears off fast. The next day, news breaks that Apple admits they slowed your phone down in 2017. They say it’s to improve your user experience. Uh huh. Sure. Most assume it’s just to get you to do what I did… buy the iPhone X. Time Wasted: about 3 hours.

January 2018: As a “we’re sorry,” Apple offers users a discounted replacement battery. If you’re apologizing, are we now admitting that this wasn’t all about improving the user experience? I erase everything that took hours to load up on my iPhone X, box it up with all the accessories and head back over the Howard Frankland to International Plaza to return my X. I have to wait in a long line because I’m not the only one fed up. Finally, I say goodbye to the iPhone X and go home to restore my “old” (again, 1 year old) iPhone. The battery is slow as ever, so I make an appointment to get the replacement battery. Time Wasted: about 4 hours.

Yesterday: I read an online article that the battery replacement can take days. That means you have NO PHONE for days! In 2018? That’s torture. So I call the Apple Store to make sure that’s not the case. After 5 calls to Apple that get forwarded to some national answering service, I’m finally transferred and allowed to talk to an employee in the Tampa store. I’m assured that the battery replacement appointment I have for the next day would only take about 3 hours. Time Wasted: about 30 minutes.

Today: I arrive early for my appointment. Too early I’m told. I’m there when they open gates at 10. My appointment is at 10:20 so I’m told to walk around for 10 minutes. Fine. 10:10 comes and I’m checked in and an employee plugs my phone in to some tool that measures if my battery really is as bad as I say. Turns out it is. Shocker. Whatever… let’s get the ball rolling. Here’s my credit card. Charge me $29 and I’ll go kill 3 hours. Time Wasted: about 2 hours.

NOPE. Not so fast. The 3 hours is now as much as 3 MONTHS. THREE MONTHS. They don’t have any batteries in stock. And they don’t know when they’ll get new ones. So I did the drive to International Plaza just so they confirm my battery is slow. Gee thanks. And now when they get more in, I get to make ANOTHER trip over to the Apple Store, stand in line and THEN wait 3 hours. Unless they’re busy. And then it might take longer.

UPDATES!

Today is February 3. It’s been almost a month since I wasted all this time with the Apple Store in Tampa. I’ve heard nothing from them. If I had waited, every day I would’ve had to charge my phone 2 or 3 times. There was a news report that Apple is going to release a new update that will make phones run at normal speed again. How nice of them. I’m still undecided about my next phone. It might be an iPhone. It might not. But if you have an iPhone and it’s still slow, I suggest taking it to an independent dealer. There are a ton of small shops around Tampa Bay that can pop in a new battery while you wait. I went to a great shop when I lived in Brandon. It’s in the same plaza as Acropolis and EATS American Grill next to the Starbucks. As I mentioned in my tweet, I had my battery replaced at Office Depot on Dale Mabry in Tampa. They were fantastic.

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